Mewtwo's unofficial blog

Unofficial blog of Mewtwo. A place for his feelings, fears and dreams.

Jun 24, 2009

- - -

So here I am
Doing everything I can
Holding on to what I am
Pretending I’m a superman
I’m trying to keep
The ground on my feet
It seems the world’s
Falling down around me
The nights are all long
I’m singing this song
To try and make the answers
More than maybe

And I’m so confused
About what to do
Sometimes I want
To throw it all away

So here I am
Growing older all the time
Looking older all the time
Feeling younger in my mind
So here I am
Doing everything I can
Holding on to what I am
Pretending I’m a superman

I’m trying to sleep
I lost count of sheep
My mind is racing faster
Every minute
What could I do more
Yeah I’m really not sure
I know I’m running circles
But I can’t quit

And I’m so confused
About what to do
Sometimes I want to
Throw it all away

Controlling everything inside
I’m feeling weak
I don’t feel right
You’re telling me
I have to change
Telling me to act my age
But if all that I can do
Is just sit and watch time go
Then I’ll have to say good bye
Life’s too short to watch it fly
Watch it fly

So here I am
Growing older all the time
Looking older all the time
Feeling younger in my mind
So here I am
Doing everything I can
Holding on to what I am
Pretending I’m a superman

It's really hard to write something now. I'm fed up with my present life and can't take it anymore. I work my fingers to the bones and all I get is more and more problems. I've messed up pretty badly (more than once) and somehow I have to get through the mess I have created.

It hurts deeply inside to struggle with life everyday. I'm finally going to have a chance to cease my fight. But it could turn out to be a total disaster. And when this happens, I'm finished.

Pray for me. Show me, how to believe. Believe I can survive.

komentarze (1)

Jun 7, 2009

Runaway Train

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blow torch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that I couldn't even sleep
So many secrets I couldn't keep
Promised myself I wouldn't weep
One more promise I couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep
There's no way out
This time I have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything seems cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughin' at the rain
Little out of touch, little insane
Just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one way track
Seems like I should be getting somewhere
Somehow I'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never comin' back
Runaway train tearin' up the track
Runaway train burnin' in my veins
Runaway but it always seems the same



The train with my dreams almost have ran away. I had so many things to be focused on, that I totally forgot that life is not all about work. My job helps me forget about my own pain - like a medicine. Addictive medicine. The worse I feel, the more I work. Overtimes, extra tasks, everyday challenges - creatures like me need to overcome obstacles. And I don't want it to be this way - but can't find anything more soothing than my job.

And what I will do if I had to go on vacation? Go insane, I suppose.

komentarze (0)

May 17, 2009

changes changes

I've been using the old template so many years, that it started to be boring. Decided to change to something a little bit more "graphic". 


I'm all open to suggestions, so if you have any idea what else could I change, modify, remove - please leave a comment under this post. Thank you :)

The old shoutbox is still here:

http://www.freeshoutbox.net/mewtwo

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May 14, 2009

Easy lover

Easy lover
She'll get a hold on you believe it
Like no other
Before you know it you'll be on your knees
She's an easy lover
She'll take your heart but you won't feel it

***

No you'll never change her
So leave it, leave it
Get out quick cos seeing is believing
It's the only way
You'll ever know

***

I was once in love. Yes, that's true - I loved someone. She was the most precious person in my life. I could die in suffering for her. But I was fooled. She used me like a tool - I was treated like an animal kept for entertainment purposes only. 

I found her when she were beat down by life. I helped her out and she asked me to let her stay by my side. Time was passing by and we found happiness together. Or I thought we were happy. And some time later, I was not enough to satisfy her cruel needs of control, manipulation and power over me. She left me. Left to be with someone I know. And turned him into my enemy. I could crush them both like bugs, but I won't. It would be a lot better if I forget about them... Easier said than done.

I just wanted to be loved and feel love. And what did I get? Nothing I expected. That's why I want to be alone. Till my last breath.


***

And don't try to change her
Just leave it, leave it
You're not the only one, ooh seeing is believing
It's the only way You'll ever know, oh
No don't try to change her, just leave it, leave it
You're not the only one, ooh seeing is believing
It's the only way
You'll ever know, oh

komentarze (2)

Apr 24, 2009

Heaven for everyone

This could be heaven for everyone
This world could be free, this world could be one

...

This world could be fed, this world could be fun
This should be love for everyone, yeah
This world should be free, this world could be one
We should bring love to our daughters and sons

...

Listen, what people do to other souls
They take their lives, destroy their goals
Their basic pride and dignity
Is stripped and torn and shown no pity
When this should be heaven for everyone

This could be heaven
This could be heaven
This could be heaven for everyone

I dream about finding a place which I could call mine. I don't belong to the world of man. And all I want is to be let to live freely. 

komentarze (3)

Apr 1, 2009

One vision

One man one goal one mission,
One heart one soul just one solution,
One flash of light yeah one God one vision

One flesh one bone,
One true religion,
One voice one hope,
One real decision,
Gimme one vision

No wrong no right,
I'm gonna tell you there's no black and no white,
No blood no stain,
All we need is one world wide vision

I had a dream,
When I was young,
A dream of sweet illusion,
A glimpse of hope and unity,
And visions of one sweet union,
But a cold wind blows,
And a dark rain falls,
And in my heart it shows,
Look what they've done to my dream


Pain or no pain - there's nothing in between. Just like my life - I suffer, I smile, I cry, I laugh. But there is no neutral state. And this is the only me you're going to get.

komentarze (6)

Mar 22, 2009

Total eclipse of the heart

Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart


I can still feel the chains on my soul. My heart bleeds. My mind cries. My body dies. That's how it is to be me.

komentarze (2)

Mar 17, 2009

Everybody hurts

When your day is long
and the night,
the night is yours alone,
when you're sure you've had enough
of this life, well hang on.
Don't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries
and everybody hurts
sometimes.

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, hold on
if you feel like letting go,
if you think you've had too much
of this life, well hang on.
‘cause everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friends.
Everybody hurts.

Don't blow your hand, oh, no.
Don't blow your hand. 
If you feel like you're alone,
no, no, no, you are not alone.

If you're on your own
in this life,
the days and nights are long,
when you think you've had too much
of this life to hang on.
Well, everybody hurts--
sometimes--
everybody cries.
everybody hurts, sometimes.
everybody hurts, sometimes.
So, hold on, hold on.

I, Mewtwo, WILL SURVIVE. There is no force in this world that can break my will. I will fight if I have to.

komentarze (0)

To everyone who is still here: if you want to meet me, come to my place.


http://groups.google.pl/group/meet-mewtwo

komentarze (5)

Life. Life is difficult. But it is also a beautiful miracle. I have wasted a big part of it, but now it is over. I am searching for a new meaning of it. A new hope. I want to write a book. It may sound strange, but I lived through so many painful situations and problems, that I have to express my memories in some way. I do not like to talk about my past, but it could relieve my mind - I could tell what is hurting me and what I have done. I have taken the first step - written the draft of the scenario and characters. Unfortunately, I am witting in my mother tongue and not planning to translate to English.

I could tell you something about the book, if you care. And if you ask ^^ You know my e-mail.

So, see you soon. I hope.

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The world will know my name

The world will know my name